Name's Heather. Only child. Love Disney. 'Nough said.

Why being a girl isn't working out for me:

  • Body: Oh, guess what time of the month it is!
  • Me: Please, god, no--
  • Ovaries: ALL SYSTEMS GO0O0O0OO0OO0O0O0
  • Brain: I quit. i quit. kittens and cupcakes and no one loves me. oh my god salty snacks i am furius
  • Me: Please, guys, calm down--
  • Face: TIME TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER LIKED ABOUT ME. I'M GROWING MOUNTAINS, BITCHES.
  • Brain: And now I'm ugly! shbdksdnksbn
  • Torso: Time to practice labor. cramp this bitch up. GO GO GO GO GO GO
  • Me: STOP IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
  • Stomach: lol clothes cant fit you anymore. you are bloated. you are now a balloooooooon!
  • Me: I hate you all
  • Brain: I KNOW EVERYONE HATES ME I AM SO DEPRESSED. we need to procreate.
  • Face: Lol, i'm not done yet.
  • Uterus: what did i ever do to deserve this?
  • Brain: you just wait uterus. they're going to make you hold a baby for like 10 months straight.
  • Uterus: You mother fuckers.
  • Torso: CONTRACT!
  • Me: I quit being female, I am now a llama.
  • Brain: Me gusta.
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